Perpetual Change

Responses to Culture

So, I have sat on this blog for 9 months. That is an awfully long time. I feel for all the mother’s out there, in a way that makes me realize that I will never really understand your pain. I was actually about to delete this blog this week, but rereading it, I think I have made some good points, and since my readership has declined, I’ve decided to post it.

Here are the rules:
1) It is a slightly angry post, in response to several comments to my blog called Exclusion and dated 5/16. You may (or may not) want to reread the blog and comments. I did delete the first part of my response below because I felt that it was whiny and rambling, so it now has an abrupt start that takes a few minutes to gather speed. This post is long.
2) I have noted the people to whom I am responding at the beginning of the section. Their words appear in quotes.
3) You can probably sum up all of these exchanges in the following anecdote, and therefore, you may want to stop reading this post at the end of this point: The other day I was teaching a lesson designed to get my students thinking about what is culture and what they appreciate about their own. The homework is for them to write a poem about the sensory perceptions that define Ukrainian-ness. We read a model in class about what it is to be a Latino. Just before the class ended as I was explaining the task and how I want to feel what it is like to be a Ukrainian when I read their homeworks, I was asked if I wanted to be a Ukrainian. I said that I did, but that in America we believe that you can be fully two nationalities at once, but when I learned that this is not possible in Ukraine (which they started to mumble as soon as I got the first part out), I didn’t really want to be Ukrainian anymore.
4) If you are reading on, but you get bogged down, skip to the end because there is a conclusion.

Response to KT
…People are constantly telling me how I am Ukrainian– almost, or how I need to marry or never leave, how this is the best country, the best food, the best ice cream (they are bliss in their ignorance on this last one in particular). They often ask me to pick my favorite country (after many conversations, I now know that Ukraine is the 20th country I have visited, however 11 of those were only one city, one time), I always say that of everywhere I have visited including the 4 states I have called home and all the others I have visited there are good places and bad, good things and things that could be better. This always leaves people with thoughtful but unsatisfied looks, like I have checkmated them and they think, “it can’t be; there must be another way.” The hardest part as I said is that they really want me to choose Ukraine, but I don’t.

Why you ask? I think because my cultural literacy is a different brand. I am learning theirs, almost painfully quickly, and I can value it, but I like mine.

That I know what an m&m tastes like makes me an American? I’m sure there are Americans that don’t know. However, almost all Ukrainians do. Did you ask your friend how common they are where she comes from? What is culturally American anyway? We share almost all of what is truly “American” with the world; we are excellent at exporting it. I see there point; they all have everything that we think of as “American,” so what is so special. So we are seen as culturally devoid or that it was never really ours to begin with. And if these friends had decided to stay in the USA, you would still never think of them as American? I won’t ever get a conversation about Saturday night live, does that make me un-American? Also, I am sure you don’t constantly ask, or comment on how much better it would be if your friends stayed in America.

“Her childhood sand-skiing experiences make her different from most Americans and those differences, added up, mean she will never be American. “ Why, does it mean that?!

As Americans we have a difficulty in understanding the very real difference between nation and state. We use them synonymously. We really don’t have a nation, but we have a culture. I agree with Scoot that this is our greatest strength. Fundamental to our culture is an embracing of all things different, or at least a general interest to give them a shot. If you love the state (technically, the political country, or here the USA), then you are a part of our nation, and we will embrace your cultural differences.

I agree that these themes can be reinforced or diluted by the effects of subcultures. You were not a part of the South or the North, being from Florida, and that may make us feel both more cut off from a general American culture and also more willing to accept the differences that were widespread in the society where we grew up. However, I think that you could be adopted by either of these cultures if you chose; people would always comment that you weren’t that way from birth, but only if they knew it to be so. If by all outward signs you fit in, I don’t think that anyone would give it any second thought, or ask you about it. When they did find out that you learned the culture later than they did, I don’t think it would make a difference in their mind.

I think that is all that culture is – nurture, not nature. We all have to learn it. Some learn better than others and they are more successful in the society, some learn later than others as immigrants but we all learn it, and none of us know it completely 100%.

"I think a person's experiences are a major part of their selves and will always affect future social experiences and relationships. Maybe the big difference between the US and Ukraine is the closeness I can have with my friend from Dubai, despite our differences? Is that what you mean by acceptance?"
No that isn’t what I mean, but it does illuminate two great differences between the US and Ukraine. First, until you experience it first hand it is hard to imagine the uniformity here. There is very little natural diversity in the culture here, from food to language to religion. Yes everyone’s borsht tastes a little different, and yes there are even some that don’t like it, but EVERY SINGLE person has had borsht, many times. And they share most of their culture in that way. I witnessed a conversation where two teachers were shocked that they cooled their varenyky (dumplings) in different ways. Differences were further discouraged in the Soviet Union, and the government made quite an effort to kill them all; they even had the foresight to move people across countries to make different subcultures mix. They were very effective. So the differences in experience and background that we all acknowledge in America as normal, is a difference. This could be taken a bit further to say that assimilating into a more homogeneous culture should be easier. In fact, rather often now, I know history, current knowledge and traditions, and the reasons behind them better than many Ukrainians I interact with. Many times people have commented on my command of Ukrainian by saying how Russians (not a loved minority in this part of the country) have lived here for so long and still can’t speak Ukrainian (by the way, I know some “Russians” but not any that can’t speak Ukrainian). Perhaps as I alluded to in the first post, this is part of the reason for Ukrainians' reactions; they have spent so many millennia fending off the cultures of others that they are nervous to let other people into theirs now.
Second, and again maybe it is my own naivety (the fact that I have mentioned my naivety both to a Ukrainian and to an American while discussing this idea here, suggests a validity that I don’t want to give it), but I believe personal experiences are an important part of a person, but I don’t think their history has any effect on their future. If someone came to the USA (or Quebec, from what I have read in the paper), and accepted all the things that meant being part of that culture, I would consider them American (or Quebecian- sp?). I consider it part of the American dream, perhaps part of democracy, to be able to remake yourself into the image that you think is best, to follow your heart. If that led me to Ukraine or to the USA, I had never before thought that someone wouldn’t accept that decision. To me, it shows as much respect to WANT to abandon one way of life for another. And again, maybe this is what gives Ukrainians pause- they don’t want to vest such high respect on the USA and Canada, that would be warranted for how many of their brethren are so eager to run to these countries which they view as culturally, spiritually or culinary-ily decrepit.

As for Scoot

I don't believe that Americans hold the only capability for accepting foreigners.

"The thing that i find interesting is that there are some places where one might be considered American, even though they are NOT. For example the upper classes in India, they speak english fluently, watch American TV and movies, eat American food, and even work for companies like Intel with engineering degrees from American schools. Are these people Americans even though they hold a different Passport?”

Again maybe this will be the distinguishing feature between me and all my readers, (because many people have made the comment that your make below to me, in emails and conversation), but I would consider them American in effect. They look to me, for all intensive purposes, as ex-pat’s.

"I also find it interesting that you thought you might be accepted as Ukrainian. Obviously, given the above, i understand why. But in every country i have travelled (except Canada), i always felt like there were natives and foreigners. I have a friend who lived in Thailand for many years, spoke Thai fluently. But was never accepted, people continued to speak english to him. His white skin stood out too much.”

But my physical features don’t stick out at all, and in fact, in casual interactions, such as with postal workers or shop keepers, there have been a few that have been very surprised when I tell them that I am not Ukrainian (though these are generally the less observant ones, based on their work).

In conclusion,
A few months back when I was returning to the USA for a wedding. I was wished well on my return home. I said that yes my friends and family are there, but they are spread all over the country, and I miss them, but I really feel like home for me now, is here. I guess, it wouldn’t feel that way without some true acceptance into the community, and maybe that means I do have it, and maybe that means it is something that Ukrainians can give but never admit.

posted by jjs @ 10:52 AM