Three Conclusions
When I first got here I read a book by a boarding school director that said how you must be that drop of water that eventually wears the rock away, in changing the behaviour of young boys. I have thought of this often since, and it has led me to three conclusions:I am delusional.
I was a monster.
My parents were heroes.
Please allow me to explain.
I am delusional to think that I can drop out of the sky and be here for less than 6 months and have a long term positive impact on these kids. I will serve as a good example that they will remember, I think; and I have helped the people that will form these boys in the long term while I was here, but that for the most part in where my effect will end. This conclusion has also left me with little hope that many Peace Corps volunteers have EVER changed adult behaviour. Our achievement really is in the relationships that we form. Kennedy had it right by making that 2 of the 3 goals. I wish more volunteers and Peace Corps critics could realize this.
I often tell people that I wasn’t a very good kid. “Very active,” I say. I think I had come to believe this of something like a fairy tale. Watching the way these kids act and knowing some of the stories about how I behaved, I can only conclude that I was a monster.
That would make my parents heroes, and I am sorry for all the times that I embarrassed you; and as kids we worry so much about our parents embarrassing us. I don’t think I am easily embarrassed (I could be wrong on this one), but I have been a bit ashamed of the kids behaviour here a few times, and again, in those instances, they weren’t so bad as some of the stories I know of myself. My parents say they were more lenient on my sister and brother because I wore them down. I never really believed this, but now I now how much patience and strength it takes to keep dropping that water drop, in the same place, over and over again. Thanks guys.
I have also concluded that I very much want to have a family, whether they are my own kids or not, and have seriously thought about adopting here.
PS. Today, while trying (rather ineffectively) to change behaviour, I had the strongest de-ja-vous that I have ever had. It made me rather physically uncomfortable. I have never had such a sensation before. I have no idea what any of this means.
posted by jjs @ 4:05 AM
5 Comments:
You were not a monster so you can scratch that one off the list. Monsters have BAD BEHAVIOR. You were very active as a child but you were not badly behaved. It was "joie de vivre" combined with the rambunctious of an active male child. Never let go of that zest for life.
While I doubt you could have been a monster, I do think your parents did a spectacular job.
You were not a monster-just active with a keen mind. A parent has to be careful to control the child's behavior, but not squash his spirit. You are a wonderful son and person. Don't give up on the drop of water-you never know who you are affecting. When I was a student teacher, we were told that a teacher's job is to plant the seed. You don't know if the plant ever grows, but you tried. Mom
adopting from the school you currently work at?
would you stay in the ukraine? or perhaps look back towards the US?
I have been lamenting my lack of friends with kids. HOWEVER- you have kids! I read your blog and you are helping me prepare for my own active male child. I wish we were closer so we could arrange playdates. You are fantastic father to these kids, even if it is only for a short time. You should have a family of your own. Come have it in Gainesville and you all can live on the compound we are planning. Kim and Erika are already on board. Along the lines of monsters vs active kids: have you read "The Secret of Happy Children" by Steve Biddulph? I highly recommend it. I think of you every day, and hope you are getting those moments where everything is worth it.
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