Perpetual Change

The Wedding

So when I first came to Ukraine, I lived with a family who has two boys, Andrei and Alosha. Andrei is 21, and had just started dating a very nice and intelligent girl named Anja before I arrived. Last week, I went to their wedding!!

It was wonderful. Weddings are multiple day events, they have all kinds of fun traditions, and now that my Ukrainian is passable, it is fun to meet distant relatives (except when they speak in Russian). As a side note, I took another oral proficiency exam the other day. We had one at the end of training; the scale is Beginner, Novice, Intermediate, Advanced, and Superior, and each level has low, mid, and high. I got Intermediate mid at the end of training and now I am at Advanced mid. I was very happy. At first when she told me my level, I thought, "Darn, I really haven't improved in the last four months," then I realized she said 'Advanced.' I wanted to test to see any progress and get advice on my glaring mistakes. I knew my vocabulary is better and I can understand more and speak quicker, but I was afraid I messed up more; but in fact I am not so bad as I thought. I am going to give myself a few more months and then try to tackle a little Russian.

From the test I went to my training town. When I arrived the day before the wedding, the grandparents were already in the 3 room apartment where I had lived for my three months with this family. That night there would be so many people we had a hard time figuring out how to fit them all (9 I think), and the next night there would be even more. I ate and then headed to school where everyone was decorating the cafeteria which is where the wedding would be. It was a long night and more friends kept showing up to help, which was nice. I felt bad though. They were all working so hard and after all it was in a school cafeteria. I couldn’t help but thinking of some of the weddings I had coordinated at the Ahwahnee and wished I could do it for them. I did fold the napkins nice. We finished at about 10 with the room set for 100.

The next morning, we got up early. There were people literally falling over each other, and the best man and Andrei had to go to the other town (actually about an hour away) to “buy” Anja. It is a Ukrainian tradition to send the godfathers clad in traditional stitchwork to speak on behalf of the groom, and then for the groom to literally bargain with the bride’s brothers and family for her hand. It is quite festive with lots of Ukrainian wit, and of course, drinking and eating. My presence wasn’t required or even customary, and I hadn’t had a shower since before I got on the overnight train two days before, so I was looking forward to some of the people clearing out. I even asked my host mom at breakfast if I would be going, and she said no, so I didn’t get dressed, which was a bit embarrassing when they wanted me in some of the photos in the apartment before they left, but then, after all the family went down to the cars to see them off and only Andrei’s other college friends and I were left in the apartment, host grandma comes running upstairs and says, “hurry, John, get dressed, they are waiting for you!” I was shocked but had no time to question the change of plans and hurried on down in about 2 minutes. So I did get to see all of the joking around at the bride’s house, which was neat. Sometimes it takes all of my wit, tact, and creativity not to offend cultural sensitivities and yet figure out what is going on; and then after all that they still sometimes throw me curveballs.

So then they had the traditional Soviet Ceremony which involves signing some fancy forms at the “Palace of Culture” which is like a community center. There is some singing, the wedding march and some poems, the tying of hands with traditional clothwork, and both moms and dads with traditional stitched towels and huge fancy breads which are all more Ukrainian customs.

Later, after photos, the party really begins. The tables are laid with more food and moonshine than you can imagine and the DJs keep the whole array of family toasts moving along, so there is almost constant drinking. This marked the beginning of my longest drinking fest - 26 hours with a 7 hour break for sleeping and the church ceremony. My previous record was about 8 hours at university which included my wine and then dinner class, then drinking with friends and a sailing club meeting. This time though I had to try real hard to stay with it. Some people try very hard to get drunk, it takes all my effort not to.

And lucky for me, all that language learning came in handy because Andrei and Anja wanted me to give a toast. I realized this (no one warned me) after about the 6th or 8th toast, when the alcohol helped a little lightbulb in my head go off. I suddenly remembered overhearing my host mom telling a strange woman my name without introducing me. That fact really isn’t unusual, but now I noticed the same woman was the DJ who kept passing the mike to those who were to toast, all of which had things written in preparation. I got pretty nervous, but I think I pulled it off alright.

The evening ended pretty early (by 1am we were in bed). I had been told, quite specifically, how weddings last all night, but I was ready for bed, and I then realized we all needed to, because the church ceremony was the next morning at 7 am. It was traditional Orthodox with the gold crowns and rings. I unfortunately didn’t bring my camera. Then we were to all meet back at the school at 10 for the second day of partying, and that left us about an hour. So host dad, uncle, and grandpa decided to take me to the bar, where we ran in to the other host brother and the brides brother. They had been drinking tea, but yes that is right...had. We began toasting, and they chase vodka with beer; I can’t do that. If you are a consistent light drinker, they go easy on you, but I definitely had a buzz by the time I got back to the school. I also now know that drinking does in fact help with a hangover headache. I only had a minor one, but it ran away from the vodka.

The second day was more eating, drinking, toasting and dancing, but all in the sunlight! The bride looked as gorgeous (still in her dress, which she told me she did not sleep in) as she did the first day. We did all the American traditional things like cutting the cake, throwing the bouquet, taking off the garter, and then there were some new games too. Finally we cleaned up and headed home, where much to my stuffed surprise, they immediately set a large table, and all the young friends came over, dressed down, and we ate and drank some more!!

At this point, I had to leave. I didn’t want to, nor did they want me to, but I had already bought my train ticket. I actually tried to change it earlier in the day, but I couldn’t, and no one had told me before that there is actually a THIRD day (which in my village centers around chicken soup). So, I headed off, with promises to return…
And Sando, they know you are coming with me next time…

posted by jjs @ 10:14 AM