Perpetual Change

Things I'll miss and things I won't

This is a poem that I wrote shortly after leaving Ukraine, and I sent it back to some key people. I want it to close my blog entries on the country... at least for now. However, if you take nothing more away from readingn my thoughts, please take this: The Ukrainian Nation suffered a devastating massacre under Stalin. In two years, he killed 10 million of them by a state orchestrated famine. The food existed! But it was not dispersed; it was kept under armed guard until it was shipped out of the country. It was meant to break the Ukrainian spirit, and it did it better than I could have ever imagined. We don't learn of this because the Former Soviet Union did not like to publicize such events, and even today, as with all terrifying man made horrors, people cope with it by pretending that it never happened... but it did. It was devastating, and in many ways, Ukrainians are still recovering from it mentally and emotionally. I believe that by merely knowing about it and remembering those sacrificed, you restore a little bit of their dignity that was stripped away.




I was asked once,
off my guard,
What I would miss of Ukraine

I, not ready to think of these things,
thoughtfully replied, “Borsht, varenyky and
the warmth of the people”

“And what won’t you miss?”
and I more quickly answered, “the roads and the draft.”

But now with time, I have found more things to be true.

I miss the garden, and the fresh mounds in the market,
changing from week to week
I miss the seasons – spring flowers, lazy summer days, autumn colors, and winter quiet.
I miss bringing home fresh flowers from the kiosk to brighten my apartment.

I miss my apartment,
the one room that became so much more, above the market and amongst my neighbors.
Make it your own, but share it with others!

I’ll miss Biliy Nich Beer, Zhyvchyk, "take your time" and the ironies, or contradictions, of
Ukraine.

I already miss not worrying about the small change for small purchases.

I miss the common understanding amongst volunteers.

I don’t think I will miss pointy shoes,
or will I?

And I know I won’t miss the roads in winter (or anytime really), the chronic pessimism, racism,
the way people constant undermine the authority of each other,
and of course, just for emphasis, I WON’T miss my personal nemesis…
the draft.

But of the things I'll miss, and of the things I won't,
I can’t decide,
Will I miss the puzzle of asking the right question.
If you don’t ask the right one, you won’t get the right answer
I love the puzzle of it, but it is so frustrating too.

And always worth repeating is the fact that I already miss the wonderful people,
but that will only be until I see them again,
and that
I know,
I will.

posted by jjs @ 1:27 PM