Three Conclusions
When I first got here I read a book by a boarding school director that said how you must be that drop of water that eventually wears the rock away, in changing the behaviour of young boys. I have thought of this often since, and it has led me to three conclusions:
I am delusional.
I was a monster.
My parents were heroes.
Please allow me to explain.
I am delusional to think that I can drop out of the sky and be here for less than 6 months and have a long term positive impact on these kids. I will serve as a good example that they will remember, I think; and I have helped the people that will form these boys in the long term while I was here, but that for the most part in where my effect will end. This conclusion has also left me with little hope that many Peace Corps volunteers have EVER changed adult behaviour. Our achievement really is in the relationships that we form. Kennedy had it right by making that 2 of the 3 goals. I wish more volunteers and Peace Corps critics could realize this.
I often tell people that I wasn’t a very good kid. “Very active,” I say. I think I had come to believe this of something like a fairy tale. Watching the way these kids act and knowing some of the stories about how I behaved, I can only conclude that I was a monster.
That would make my parents heroes, and I am sorry for all the times that I embarrassed you; and as kids we worry so much about our parents embarrassing us. I don’t think I am easily embarrassed (I could be wrong on this one), but I have been a bit ashamed of the kids behaviour here a few times, and again, in those instances, they weren’t so bad as some of the stories I know of myself. My parents say they were more lenient on my sister and brother because I wore them down. I never really believed this, but now I now how much patience and strength it takes to keep dropping that water drop, in the same place, over and over again. Thanks guys.
I have also concluded that I very much want to have a family, whether they are my own kids or not, and have seriously thought about adopting here.
PS. Today, while trying (rather ineffectively) to change behaviour, I had the strongest de-ja-vous that I have ever had. It made me rather physically uncomfortable. I have never had such a sensation before. I have no idea what any of this means.
Fresh off the Boat
This should have been dated around July 4th or December 4th. Most sentiments were very pertinent at that time, but I have only managed to get them all in print now. I actually had a much more timely blog written, but I left it on the computer at the orphanage, so until next week.
So I promised an email about culture shock, well I was ripe with it. Minor things continued to amaze me both during my month at home in the summer and winter and, to a lesser degree, for the 6 months in Italy.
I couldn’t get over the amazing efficiency of the rental car system at Reagan National Airport. I was off the plane and driving away in a car in about 20 minutes. (The DC traffic didn’t impress me quite so much, though it did leave quite an impression.) I just saw an ad for the first rental car company to open up operations in my county here in Ukraine. You either need to be a foreigner or be bonded to rent a car, and it costs more per day than to rent in DC.
I filled my water bottle at a MacDonald’s sink. I have actually always done this, but appreciated it a lot more, because the water from the sinks in the USA is potable.
I felt violated when I was ‘shot’ for speed by a hidden state trooper.
I was flabbergasted by what young professionals will pay good money for and then put in their yards. This is in reference to the newly popular (or at least they were new to me) inflatable parachute Christmas lawn decorations – I mean, really, what has more class than a giant Santa Claus on a motorcycle?
I stopped myself from peeing on the side of the highway on my road trip to see my sister.
I was also flabbergasted of how litigious we are in the USA. While at a creative winery’s tasting, the woman told us to be careful after trying the spicy pepper wine. She was also careful how she said it, because they had gotten a notice of sexual harassment for saying ‘be careful where you put your hands after trying the wine’ referring to your eyes and lips.
I was awed by the beauty of the Blue Ridge Parkway and Skyline Drive, even on overcast days. I also realized that in one morning, after seeing a bear and two cubs, a huge hawk, and many deer, that I had seen more wildlife there, than in 5 years in the European countryside and woods.
I was struck, and a bit bewildered by the Star over Roanoke.
I could NOT get over how ENORMOUS each parking spot is. I don’t think I had to back up or straighten out once while in the States, and I certainly never had to squeeze in or out of a partially opened door (this is more a reaction from Italy to America, than Ukraine where there are still so few cars that parking is rarely a concern; not that there are so many spaces, though.) For emphasis, I should note that this comment was in my notes after both my summer and winter trips home.
I was continually taken off guard by how casual but very friendly and helpful service is in America. For any of you that have been the victims of bad service, and I used to think I was one of them, you haven’t seen anything! I had a couple of ‘bad service’ situations and even these surprised me at how good they were on a scale of what I have seen.
I was disappointed with how little taste food had; and therefore how difficult it was to prepare well.
I hated having to drive to get ANYWHERE and having to buy economy size to get ANYTHING. I was amazed how BIG stores are – all of them; and also therefore, the big amount of employees in each.
I was blown away by the constant buzz of everything – even while swimming in a pool, and surprised by how many airplanes pass overhead, and the EVER present hum of a/c units.
It was very interesting to read the great variety of ethnic surnames all side by side at the cemetery.
I agreed with my Ukrainian friends that it isn’t so much fun to have to call, to visit someone, as opposed to just dropping by.
I was surprised by the following realizations after my trip home in summer:
Many of my friends, that I thought were spread to the 4 winds, are still in the South east.
I love Ukraine as I love Italy. In the beginning in Ukraine, I thought that this statement would never be true; both are different but not inferior (and definitely not superior) to how I feel towards my native land, the USA.
I don't really want to live in Tampa or Jacksonville.
In 10 days, I slept in 9 different beds. I don’t even know where mine is anymore (I have found one since writing this. I feel very much at home in my bed at the orphanage).
Please understand that the following statement was made by a very special friend while she was talking of the pregnancy of her and her husbands first boy child. Please excuse the sensationalism of the statement: "I grew a penis inside me."
While home, the ever present change of our American lives seemed very apparent to me; as did the subjects of the housing market in summer; and Facebook and Craig’s list in winter.
I was impressed with how many young people were at church - families, singles and teenagers. I can’t say that is a common site in the parts of Europe that I have been. It seems that the USA really is an anomaly when it comes to religion in the modern world. I was also impressed with our real variety, not just in movies or music, but in restaurants, amongst friends and family and every other aspect of life. It was refreshing. I think we are actually much better integrated than we give ourselves credit for. Now if everyone could just forget their bigotry.
I was not so impressed with our fear culture; it seemed to me that most news and programs compete for the greatest impact often using fear as a catch point. I am not sure you can appreciate the deep pervasiveness of this tactic, but it would make me physically uncomfortable to watch the news, and I was often flabbergasted at the topic of a show. Foreigners see all this programming and think that it is the normal life of every American. I know I have commented on this before, but I can’t get over the great dis-service that we do ourselves at home and abroad in this respect. I know it isn’t anything that is likely to change, because it is attention-catching and the business of our lives often require such a feature to get our awareness, not to mention that we are a bit oblivious to it, which will only probably exaggerate the problem. But Desperate Housewives translated into Russian is not a good thing.
I was also pleasantly surprised how, for the most part, everyone looks very healthy. Yes, there are the severely obese, but mostly people look very healthy in skin, body type, teeth, eyes, etc. I think this contributes to how youthful people look. Ukrainians often comment on the youthful appearance of people in photos.
I was rather shocked that it took me a whole month to catch up (mostly) with everyone, and I had kept in touch with a lot of people and several had been to visit me in Europe, so how much longer would it take if I just went back to a regular life of busy-ness.
A day at the Orphanage
[Sorry, I ran out of time to proofread]
7:30 I am woken up by the day worker, Nadia Romanivna, or the school director, Vasil Ivanovich, when they wake up the older boys (3 days a week I try to get up at 7 am and do some exercises and then shower). They are very nice middle aged folks, both with kids about the same age, and they work a lot with the boys. I sleep in the room with the older boys. There are 6 of them and the director. 7 boys in the 2nd and 3rd grade sleep in the middle room, and the other staff member sleeps in the last room with 6 boys, 3 of which still wet the bed (they are known kindly as the fishermen; there really isn’t much teasing about it; probably because most of the boys did to some point; many still rock a severely from side to side while they sleep, even up to the age 16; I have been told that this comes from being rocked in the state orphanages as children. I think it is a subconscious substitute for a lack of touch.
8:00 morning prayers – this is a private orphanage run by a Lay Institute of Consecrated Life, of the Catholic Church. The organization is called Miles Jesu, and you can find them and us (Boys’ Town at Bortnyky) on the web. Basically, they are a modern monastery. The brothers are celibate but are expected to work regular jobs. There should be at least 5 of them here to maintain community; there are currently 2. They go to mass once a day; this means that together with the boys, I usually conduct morning or evening prayers alone. We have a chapel in the building, where we have mass on Sunday.
8:15 ish – depending on how fast they got dressed, and how orderly the morning prayers went, we walk about 20 meters across the grounds to the small school, where is the cafeteria. There the cook has prepared us a hot milk and porridge breakfast. The milk comes from our cow.
9 ish – this one is an ish because the teachers are not always right on time, and there isn’t quite the same focus on time as in America. The different classes take turns ringing an actual bell in the hallway. I say bell, but it has no clapper; they put a stone in it and ring it upside down. The boys wear coat and dress shirt to prayers and school. They used to go to the village school, but the orphanage got its license to teach them separately. Although I am usually not for taking kids out of normal learning environments, I think these boys really need more attention than they could get in the regular school. Some of them seem literally starved for attention. There are 8 in 2nd grade, 6 in 3rd, 4 in 7th grade and 1 in 9th. There were two at the beginning of the year, but one has left; he was preparing to become a brother but has since changed his mind. Can you imagine deciding to join a monastery at 16?
From this time until 2, I may teach a few classes, though the director speaks very good English and he is their normal English teacher, but if he is busy or a teacher is sick, or misses the bus to our village (we are where the asphalt ends and the dirt begins), then I fill in. If I am not in school, I prepare afternoon activities, help clean the house, do laundry, organize things like materials that have been donated, make small repairs, type documents for different individuals, or a myriad of other small tasks. I also try to take some time off every day. I have been working a good bit on my piano playing, and sometimes I study Ukrainian grammar or write. I have gotten to far in my book in the last few months.
14:00 – Grace and Lunch; The younger boys have finished classes and come back to the house to change clothes, we then have lunch. Lunch is always a soup and then a starch and sauce with meat and usually a salad of some sort (not what you are probably thinking of as salad, remember it is winter, and we grow most of our own food). If the older boys haven’t finished classes yet, they have a 20 minute break when they eat. In school here, they have about 20 different subjects and a weekly schedule. So you may have English, for example, 3 times a week, 2nd period Monday, 4th period Thursday, and 1st on Friday. Some days they finish after 5 lessons, some days after 8. To the 4th grade they always finish by the 5th lesson.
15:00 – Quiet hour; I have just started this, there are still some kinks to work out. They can sleep, read, draw, or sometimes we listen to music. I am reading the Chronicles of Narnia (in Ukrainian) out loud to a few of them.
15:30 – two 45 minute lessons on the computer; they sign up for what day they want and we work on different skills. Each lesson has a list of tasks that they must complete and save. When they complete them, they have a new game that they can play and we move on to a new lesson. They have times in the evening that they can sign up to complete their tasks and play the games. We have two computers, a laptop that I brought, and an old desktop from England. The programs are in Russian and English with a plethora of different programs and versions. I hope they are getting something out of it. The new Microsoft Office 2007 I bought for the equivalent of $4. It works great, but they have changed a lot of the format. They want to play Grand Theft Auto and shoot ‘em up games, but I am a mean dad and have said that I won’t buy them. (stayed tuned next week for an interesting article alluding to “the Oregon Trail”. Remember that game?)
After lunch, three days a week there are also music lessons on accordion or piano if they are interested, and there is a toy room (though it is not as well equipped as I would like, but part of that is because they LOVE to take things apart). The building is in a territory with a wooded park, an orchard, a basketball hoop, volleyball court, and a football field; the school has table tennis and the toy room has foosball, so there is always plenty to do; there is also plenty to do with the cows, horse, pigs, chickens, garden, and fields, though they are always saying there is nothing to do or getting into things that they shouldn’t. Kids are the same everywhere. I try to organize some game when I am not busy with the other activities above.
17:00 – Nadia Romanivna goes home. She helps things run smoothly, get them cleaned or changed, cleans, does laundry, checks homework, reads to them, plays games, and prepares the superfluity of documents that must be prepared for orphans. Most of them are not true orphans, they have at least one parent or a grandparent, but often from drug/alcohol abuse or old age, these guardians have lost their parental rights. Some come to visit, some we never see again. And then there are a few who have no one; a couple who were found on the streets and documents, even names and birthplaces, had to be made up for them. Adoption is very rare, most people don’t have the means to do it, and there is not yet a foster care system, so the kids will be here until 18. This orphanage (not being state run) does a great job of making it feel like a family (though besides the cooks, some teachers, and Nadia Romanivna, they have almost no contact with women; there is a girls orphanage run by the female branch of the monastery in Lviv). My goal in being here, as a youth development volunteer is to create programs that will get the kids ready for life after the orphanage. We are trying to put together something like a dance, or maybe cotillion, for the older boys to invite young ladies.
In the evening, we have started a newspaper, and the editors might meet, or I have also started scouts, and am trying to get a member from a local unit to come once a week, and there is another Peace Corps volunteer that will be starting an English club with them once a week. We also want to invite professionals to speak to the boys once in a while, but it is hard because we are so remote. I have to walk or take an occasional bus 8 km just to get to a town that has one internet point where I can write this. The remoteness helps the boys to stay on site and out of other temptations though; almost all men in Ukraine smoke for example.
19:00 Change for dinner and prayer; go over to the cafeteria; grace and dinner.
19:45 ish – evening prayers and religious formation (reading from a children’s bible and discussion)
20:30 get cleaned up and ready for bed; finish homework; play the piano or on the computer if ready for bed. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I open a “bank.” They can open a savings account and they get a 13% interest rate! Some of them have chores that they get direct deposited into their bank accounts and they have bank books. They can check interest, withdraw or deposit during the bank hours and it is a good chance for me to talk to them one on one. They can watch TV only on the weekends or sometimes the older boys will stay up to watch a football game during the week if their grades are good for that week.
21:30 they should be in bed. They can read another half hour or less, but the lights should be off by 10. One from each room takes a turn cleaning the house. They clean the stairs, corridors, bathrooms and showers, sweeping and mopping. I mop the last corridor and see that they are all in bed. Then I go to sleep usually by 10:30 or 11. I tried reading to them before bedtime, but that didn’t work so well for a few different reasons. And then we start all over the next day.
Labels: average day
